Feel sort of miss him these days…
Maybe because of the stress of study…
Maybe because of his room in old house…
Maybe because of the things of him….
Maybe because of the photo of him..
Maybe because of my sudden feeling…
These days make me think of him~~
Sort of missing him…
Especially for today night..
when the time I couldn’t fall in sleep
Thinking of~~He have left me behind in this world
For exactly 4 years 9 month 18 days…
How Cruel he is…
From a teenager little girl form 3 to now…
I’m have grow up without his accompany…
Need to stay strong to protect my mum
I still clearly remember the days when you gone away to a far far place away from here…
Still remember every steps…..
Still remember I’m still in the shop doing cashier and really busy
While mummy and …… rushing here n there fetching you to the general hospital
And I cant even see your last expression…or hold the hand that still feel warm
I just know the news when my mum called me…
When I heard the news, I seriously do not feel any kind of sadness…
Cause I keeping telling myself : is just a joke..is just a funny joke…is just a…
Until I went to the hospital ~~
I saw he is laying on the bed..he was covered by the white plain cloth…
At the end, I still cant saw his face or even hold his hand..
I just stood at the there… Feel nothing although I know he had gone away..
No tears for me n mummy…
Until the day when he was taking out from the freeze to be sealed into a coffins…
His eyes were closed…..
I touched his body and hand..
Try to clean his body…….
His hand was so cold so cold…just like ice
No expression on his face...
After that…..I just start breakdown for the only one day
Still remember I was crying with “my sis”…Blocking with the door…
I’m crying in the toilet..and she was standing in front of my toilet’s door
She asking whether miss him or not
My answer : defenitely~~ cause knowing that he was really left me away…
After that happen a lot of things in my family…
Is a long long story~~~
Just these few days make me think of him…
If he still in this world…How would he act if he know my spm result…
If He still in this world…How would he act if he know me already successfully get in to University…
If he still in this world…how would he act if he know me already know how to drive car…
If he still in this world…how would he act if he know his little girl was grow up…
I still remember one day in uum..I saw a father and a little kids about 9 years old..
Sitting on one of table in uum…sawing her father took a lot of food to her little girl…
When the she asking for a straw…her dad stand up and walking to the counter and talk the straw to her…
Just like me and my dad used to call roti canai at the mamak shop..
Enjoying the soup and the curry chicken…both of us…
Now…all those become a memory for me..
Hmm….
Nothing special just want to express my feeling for tonight.
I Promised my self..I will love my mum forever –and ever..
Wont do something stupid ~~
Wont let me feel regret again just like what happen to my dad..
I have done nothing for him when he was alive….
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